Dear NETWORK (God's A Car Salesman Pt. II)

Dear NETWORK,

This is me reaching out. It's no secret that I've been on the edge for a while now, and I haven't fallen in yet. But, I'm tired of holding on and I'm ready to jump. The water looks nice from here and a pack of cigarettes, a case of beer, an oz of weed, an eight-ball, and some strippers are starting to sound like the promises coming true....

Thank you for imparting this little bit of wisdom in me over the last year: I can't control the actions of other people, only the way that I react to them.

Everyday for over a year now I have taken the advice of strangers and prayed for God's will to be done, "because my will sucks". Well, if this is God's will for me after a year, then his will fucking sucks too! He can keep his fucking Porsche! (Read my last post.) If he dares to give me the keys again, I'll return it this time after a few weeks with one headlight broken, covered in mud, the engine overheating, exhaust hanging down shooting off sparks as I pull into the lot, convertible top ripped and bent beyond recognition, bucket leather seats missing replaced with old milk crates, and the interior smelling like blueberry-scented pine-tree air fresheners, burnt flesh and dirty Mexican pussy! (Don't ask, I won't remember.)

I can see the conversation now:

"Welcome back Jorge! How'd you like the ride?"

"That ride was fucking awesome God!"

"Glad you liked it, it's yours to keep. Do what you will with it."

"Naugh, I'm good. What the fuck would I want with a busted-ass-piece-of-shit car like that?!? That thing's fucking falling apart! I'm surprised it made it back here! Give it to that guy standing over there; he looks like he'd enjoy a good fixer-upper. I'll walk from here!"

Then, I'll flip God the bird as I head out to trudge the road of happy destiny to the nearest brothel.

"Fuck you and your mother-fucking will for me asshole!!!!"

God's A Car Salesman

"We walked for some time, and grew to know each other, as best as we'd allow. These are some of the high points. They lack continuity. I don't apologize. I merely pointed it out, adding with some truth, I feel, that most liaisons lack continuity. We find ourselves in odd places at various times, and for a brief span we link our lives to others and then, our time elapsed, we move apart. Through a haze of pain occasionally, usually through a veil of memory that clings, then passes, sometimes as though we have never touched." ~Harlan Ellison

*

I saw God the other day at a car dealership. He was standing in front of a brand new, silver Porsche 911.

“Here,” he says and he hands me the keys, “Take it for a ride. See if you like it.”

So I do, and of course I like it, it's the best damn car I've ever driven. Then he tells me maybe I can keep it.

“Try it out for a few weeks,” he says, “Let me know what you think.”

A few weeks pass and I see God again.

“So, how do you like the car?” he asks me.

“Are you kidding? I love it! I could go on about it for days! Thank you so much!”

“Good. Good,” he says, “Now, I need the keys back.”

“Huh?” I say completely dumbfounded.

“The keys. I need the keys back. That one's not for you.”

“Well, which one is?” I stutter.

“Eh, I don't know yet. Why don't you walk for now?”

And, as I'm walking away with my head bowed and my dreams crushed, I see a man walk up to God. God hands this man the keys to my car and the guy drives off, peeling out of the parking lot.

And my car is gone...

The Familiar Path

"Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unkown." ~William P. Young, The Shack

I could feel the soft, wet leaves give way under my sandaled feet as I trudged down that path. The familiar crunch of breaking twigs echoing in my ears. The damp smell of the forest filling my nostrils. It was a beautiful summer day. I could see the bright rays of sunshine poking through the leaves of the canopy over my head. But, where I was it was still cool and dark. It was always cool and dark on this path.

As I walked through a clearing, past the bluff overlooking the river below, I came across a man who was just packing up his fishing gear. I bowed my head and started to walk by praying he wouldn't see me, ashamed of what I must look like after walking this path all this time.

"Hello!" he said.

Goddamnit!

I turned to see him smiling warmly at me in the distance. His blue eyes sparkling as he began to walk towards me. The entire forest became settled and calm all around us. An aura of serenity surrounded this man, and I was reminded of a wise old priest. Wisps of grey hair poked out the sides of his fisherman's hat which was covered with all different shapes and sizes of lures in every color imaginable.

"What brings you out here today, fishing?" he asked despite the fact that I was carrying nothing to fish with.

"Naugh, I hate fishing," I replied quickly.

"Oh," he said with a sly grin, "Everybody likes fishing. Do you know how?"

"No, no one ever taught me. I tried a few times on my own, but couldn't catch a thing."

He laughed, "The Chinese say that a man who teaches himself has a fool for a master."

"Yeah, I think I got that fortune cookie once," I said sarcastically.

It just rolled off his shoulders and he continued, "I see you're headed in that direction," and he pointed down the trail I was headed down. "That's good, we can walk together for a bit."

"Sure," I replied even though he hadn't really asked.

We walked together quietly for while until we came to a fork in the trail. Off to the left was a brightly lit path along the river's edge, and he headed that way. The path I was on led to the right, off deeper into the forest. I started to say farewell when he stopped and turned to look at me.

"Ah. You're headed that way," and he stated, "I've been that way before. It doesn't really lead anywhere, just kinda ends abruptly. No good fishing down there."

"Yeah," I replied not telling him that I had been down this way a hundred times before.

"Why don't you come this way with me?" he said, "There's plenty of good fishing spots this way. The water is beautiful and warm this time of year."

"I don't have anything to fish with," I offered as an excuse.

"No problem," he replied, "In some countries of the world people fish with their bare hands. It's more difficult, but the reward is so much greater. And, it a lot of fun!"

I chuckled at the thought of myself standing in the river, water up to my waist, lunging at fish trying to grab ahold of one.

"Thanks, but I think I'll pass," I said, "Maybe next time."

"Well, it was a pleasure meeting you," he said, and headed out.

I stood there and followed him with my eyes for as long as I could, but eventually the sunlight reflecting in shimmers off of the surface of the water drowned him out until all that's all I could see.

A sadness swept over me. I wanted so badly to chase after him. It all sounded like so much fun, but I was scared. I didn't know where that path led or what I might encounter down there.

I looked down the path I had been on. It was cool and dark. The trees in that part of the forest were so dense that they kept all but the smallest rays of sunshine from poking through. I knew where that path led. I had been there a hundred times before. That path led nowhere, and to no one, but it was so comfortable.... so familiar. And, it would be so easy to just continue along that way.

Damn that old man!

To be continued....